Okay, so I’m sorry. Mea culpa.
I completely forgot to schedule this and only remembered when so many of you reminded me.
How can I possibly make it up to you?
How about with putting SO MANY funny tweets this week that you might pee a little.
Click on “Read More” to snicker, guffaw and laugh out loud!
Before we get to the tweets, my little one definitely made me laugh this week.
During an art project, Elise asked me, “what do stickers on your face feel like?”
First, I’m so proud that I didn’t say, “What?!” and start laughing. ‘Cuz that’s funny.
Instead, I said, “Why don’t we find out!”
And now, on to the funnies.
There should be a theme park called “Parentland” where just parents can go. The rides would be couches where parents can just sit in peace.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 23, 2014
Do crabby people know about naps
— SweetP (@sweet_pea707) March 16, 2014
I solve my problems by ignoring them until they turn into emergencies.
— tazz (@noneofyours99) June 6, 2014
Is this cocaine cut with flour? Because I’m gluten free and very heath conscious.
— Marl Beans (@Marlebean) June 2, 2014
“Why should *I* take out the bathroom trash? I only toss Q-tips. YOU fill it up, YOU take it out,” I mumble as I take out the bathroom trash
— Blank. (@sarcasm_inc) May 22, 2014
I’m done with books if the dictionary doesn’t have a tiny mirror next to the word selfie for the definition.
— Paper Wash© (@PaperWash) May 23, 2014
Every time I make a bad decision I have a drink. Which is a bad decision. You can see where I’m going with this..
— Fancy Pants (@AliceGolightly_) June 6, 2014
My son asked what being a grown-up is like, so I gave him $48 to buy the $49 Xbox game he’s been begging for
— Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) May 23, 2014
“I see you just brushed your teeth, let me remind you of your favorite food in the fridge.” -My Stomach, every night.
— Devin Siebold (@DevinSiebold) May 22, 2014
I’m afraid if I don’t clean my house soon, someone’s going to bring in blindfolded people for a Frebreeze commercial.
— Dancing Doll (@kavoinooi) October 30, 2013
I’m headed to the gym. — just so you know where to send the ambulance.
— Shae Aaron (@ShaeAaron) May 21, 2014
Friend: Nice haircut, nerd! Me: Shut up. Friend: What happened? Me: The Devil made me do it. Wife: It looks fine. And stop calling me that.
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) May 22, 2014